As a 32-year-old Black woman living in Los Angeles, I understand the highs and lows of dating from both personal experience and my professional work as a marriage and family therapist. The dating landscape, especially in today’s digital age, can feel overwhelming, but approaching it with intention can help make the experience more fulfilling and less frustrating. Dating with intention means knowing what you want and being clear in your actions to achieve that. Here are four tips to help you develop and execute your dating intentions.
1. Find Your "Why"
The first step to dating with intention is to define your “why.” Understanding what you want out of the dating experience is essential. Are you looking for a long-term relationship, casual companionship, or just testing the waters? Being clear on what you want will help you filter out people who don’t align with your goals, allowing you to focus on those who do.
Everyone enters the dating scene for different reasons, whether it's for fun, emotional connection, or the pursuit of long-term partnership. Finding your personal reason requires introspection and thoughtfulness. Take the time to reflect on what you're hoping to achieve from dating and how it fits into your broader life goals. This foundation will guide your choices and interactions, saving you from wasting time on mismatches.
2. Clear Communication
Once you've identified your “why,” clear communication is crucial. Whether you're using dating apps or meeting people in person, be upfront about your intentions. Clear communication not only helps you avoid misunderstandings, but it also ensures you're on the same page with potential partners.
We’ve all seen or experienced situationships or those moments where someone asks you, “So, what’s going on with that person you’re seeing?” and you respond, “It’s complicated.” These vague, ambiguous relationships can be avoided when both parties are transparent from the start. By communicating clearly, you set the tone for a healthy dynamic and reduce the likelihood of falling into situations that don't serve your goals.
3. Be Okay with Rejection (and Rejecting Others)
Rejection is one of the toughest parts of dating, but it's inevitable. You won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and not everyone will fit what you’re looking for—and that’s okay. It’s important to get comfortable with the idea that some people might ghost you or not reciprocate your interest. Ghosting, while frustrating, is unfortunately common in today’s dating world, driven in part by the sheer volume of options and shorter attention spans created by dating apps. It's not personal—it’s a reflection of the current dating culture.
On the flip side, learning how to gracefully reject others is equally important. If you know early on that someone isn't a fit for your intentions, don’t waste their time (or yours). Rejecting respectfully but assertively can prevent unnecessary confusion or disappointment.
4. Do the Work on Yourself
Dating can be emotionally draining, especially when you're faced with multiple rejections or things fizzle out with someone who seemed promising. One of the most important steps in dating with intention is doing the work on yourself. Building your self-confidence and resilience will help you face the inevitable ups and downs of the dating process with greater strength and self-compassion.
It’s often said, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” But I’d argue that in dating, it’s not just about filling your own cup—it’s about sharing from the overflow. Your own needs, both emotional and physical, must be met before entering into a relationship. When you're whole, you’re able to engage in dating from a place of abundance rather than need.
Have Fun and Stay Safe
Lastly, remember to have fun! Dating doesn’t have to be all pressure and no play. And, as always, prioritize safety when meeting new people. Share your location with a friend, meet in public spaces, and check in with a trusted loved one. Meeting at a public location instead of having your date pick you up from home can add an extra layer of protection.
Dating with intention can transform your experience from one of frustration to one of empowerment. By knowing what you want, communicating clearly, being comfortable with rejection, and working on yourself, you can create more meaningful connections and enjoy the journey along the way. To speak with one of our amazing therapists about how you want to date feel free to click on the link below.
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